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5 Predicitons for the #EURef

6 min read

This is a story about destiny...

Swingometer

Do you trust exit polls? What do you think about the predictions made by political commentators, newspapers, TV stations? Why is the UK's vote on membership of the European Union different?

Well, let's dig into my predictions, and why I think what I do:

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1. Brexit is going to win

What the heck? All the polls say that Brexit is behind. All the bets seem to be backing a vote to remain in the EU. The currency markets seem to be predicting that Britain will vote to stay a member of the European Union.

However, the vociferous liberal press has shouted down the ordinary person with loud cries of "BIGOT!" every time  somebody suggests that the UK should go it alone. Brexit has become synonymous with closet racism... and that's exactly where the average voter has retreated to... the closet.

There's a fear of sharing your far-right views, because people know it's wrong to bash immigrants and brown people in general, but with the anonymity of the ballot box, things are going to be a different story. The fact of the matter is that there has been a massive upswell of racist sentiment since the economy went belly-up, and the patronising voices of the liberal elite have only further angered the general public.

The people who are going to vote Brexit are the ones who have gone quiet. They are biding their time, just waiting for the time when they can put their little 'X' in the box, and stick two fingers up at Johnny Foreigner. They've given up arguing that "I'm not racist, but...".

Racists will never win a battle of wits, but they will win when they're allowed a free vote, anonymously.

2. We can't escape our destiny

Did you forget about the crippling debt in Greece, Italy, Spain? People have short memories and attention spans, but we are still suffering the consequences of the credit crunch, which is in turn a result of runaway borrowing. Not borrowing by individuals, but borrowing by governments with spending deficits, and by corporations that are trying to manipulate their tax burden.

The problems have not been fixed, and debt continues to balloon. Austerity and deep cuts have done nothing to plug the holes in an economic rescue plan that is deeply flawed. All that Quantitative Easing has done is to further line the pockets of a handful of wealthy people. There's no inflation, so the problem is just as bad, if not worse than it was 8 years ago.

Defaults and debt haircuts, write-offs... these are the only options, and distancing ourselves from Greece, Italy, Spain and other European neighbours, is not going to protect us. We're going down the shitter with them, whether we like it or not.

3. Cameron is ceding control to Bojo

How do you step down, when you have won two general elections back-to-back, and still save face? Well, how's about having a referendum to placate your predominantly eurosceptic party members, and then you can hand over control to a more popular and likeable leader, in readiness for the campaign for a 3rd term in power.

The macro plan is so painfully obvious.

4. The anticlimax is going to be so depressing

There is real optimism in the Brexit camp, as if destroying unions ever solved problems. There is a kind of delusional belief, that the woes of the country can be solved at a stroke.

Brexit is just the beginning of rebuilding everything that gets smashed, as we cut off our nose to spite our face.

It's not like we can drive immigrants out of our country with pitchforks on Friday, although I fear violent reprisals, whichever way the vote goes. The country is a tinderbox, just waiting for a single spark.

A vote to leave gives the green-light to yet more immigrant bashing. A vote to remain will result in disappointed bigots taking out their frustration in mob violence, rioting. Do you think Brexiters are just going to say "oh well, back to normal" if the vote doesn't go their way? In actual fact, it could be terrible, if they feel even more than ever that their voice isn't heard.

5. Political activation is destabilising

Even though I believe the status quo should not be maintained, having this referendum has brought people into the political process who were otherwise disengaged, disillusioned. However, there isn't the maturity there to accept that part of democracy is compromise, and with democracy also comes the responsibility to be mature, measured, calm, patient.

I see a kind of national hysteria everywhere I look. The language, the rhetoric, the aggression... it's appalling. The world looks up to us - to follow our example - as an advanced nation, and as a symbol of democracy. However, we bicker like children, we sulk, we tantrum and call each other names. We descent to the level of the playground. We are not making a fine account of ourselves on the world stage.

By pandering to the ill-educated, ill-informed concerns of the much abused general public, we have turned a serious question about how to lead our world out of economic danger, and sustain prosperity, into a silly game of finger-pointing and tit-for-tat measures, cronyism, cliqueness.

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Whatever result is declared on Friday, I expect that a genie is out of the bottle. There is no finality, no real result. Instead, either I will be living in fear of reprisals by a bitter disaffected group who have been dealt a disappointing blow, if we stay in the EU, or we will accelerate the dissatisfaction that people have in their every day lives, as they realise that voting to leave the EU has made precisely fuck all difference to their prospects and quality of life, and they look for further opportunities to express their frustration.

The world seems a more dangerous place, more filled with hate, less reasonable, less progressive and idealistic, thanks to this stupid debate, and pointless vote.

I pray that the vote is to remain, so at least we are not a laughing stock internationally, and as a nation we look terribly right-wing and bigoted. English football hooligans are already a national disgrace, but a vote to Brexit tars the whole country with that brush.

However, I totally get that the rhetoric of the Brexit camp has tried to leverage a kind of class revolt. I fear that it has been a little too successful at doing that.

 

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Ich Bin Ein Londoner

6 min read

This is a story about national identity...

London sunset

I will never be accepted in my place of birth, because I can't speak Welsh, I only lived in Wales for the first few months of my life, and I have English parents. I will never be accepted as a Yorkshireman like my Dad, or a Lancashire lass like my Mum, because I've never lived in the North of England, and I have a posh Home Counties accent. I will always be a Grockle (tourist) in Dorset, because I wasn't born there, just as I will always be a 'blow-in' in London, because I wasn't born within the sound of the Bow Bells.

So, I find all this talk of British national identity a bit laughable. This talk of a UK Independence Day, and "take our country back" is a joke. If you were to look at my passport, you might think I'm descended from Gauls, given that I was born in Wales where some of the oldest ethnic inhabitants lived... who perhaps escaped genetic mixing with Vikings, Saxons, Romans, Normans... but we know that's ridiculous.

The thing I like about London is that most people don't care who you are or where you've come from. It's a fairly meritocratic place where you can seek your fortune without being too held back by too many prejudices. It's a big enough place that any mishaps and misdemeanours can be overlooked.

I hate small-minded localism. I hate that "you're not from round these parts, are you?" idiocy... like it really matters where the hell you're from. I hate people who aspire towards some kind of backwards step, to a time when we lived in tiny villages and hamlets, in pockets of blissful ignorance. It's a nice fantasy, but it's never going to be a reality.

I've been that immigrant kid, bulking up a classroom that's already full. I've been in the minority, with a different skin tone from all the others in the classroom. I've been in the family that talks in their mother tongue, whilst living in a community that doesn't speak our language, and not observing local customs.

I know that while things are economically prosperous, there is joy in welcoming people of other cultures into our communities. There is novelty in observing and interacting with the outsider, and exploring the interesting differences between each other.

But when things turn sour and you're afraid for your job and you can't afford a house, and you start feeling pretty hard-done-by, it's natural to start picking on the odd-one-out. We're programmed to weed out the members of a herd that are different. As predators we look for the weak, the elderly, the young. As asexual beasts, we look for those who are most genetically normal, and reject the oddballs who might have undesirable mutations. We want those who share our genetic material - those who look the same as us - to survive at the expense of those who look different, who probably aren't part of our extended family, and therefore share our genes.

I get it. I understand this "look after our own" thing from the point of view of the selfish genes. There is no altruism, when push comes to shove and we feel threatened. And we feel really threatened at the moment. Housing, education, jobs, transport, healthcare, the economy... everything is screwed.

Bridge selfie

But you know what? You know who's really pushing you around? You know why you really feel threatened? It's because London is disproportionately represented. There's this little microcosm of politicians, lawyers, accountants, consultants and other highly paid professionals, who pretty much decide the fate of the rest of the country... not some bureaucrats in Brussels. You think the EU is why we have such a ridiculously financial-services centric economy? Is it fuck.

I know that in London I'm going to have the best of everything. All the tax breaks are going to go in my favour. All the infrastructure investment is going to be for me. All the political attention is going to be focussed on my concerns.

Yes, housing is a massive issue in London, but it's going to get addressed. Nobody dare let the concern of the City worker go overlooked, lest our precious position as a major centre for floatations, international litigation and the headquartering of some of the world's largest enterprises, be threatened.

However, 5 out of 6 people in the UK are not well represented, because we are so London centric. Do you think anybody much cares about the NEET (Not in Education, Employment or Training) on some God-awful sinkhole estate on the outskirts of a depressed Northern town, who is pissed off about their lot in life? Of course not, because they're neither economically nor politically active.

In actual fact, the tracksuit-clad pasty white housing estate resident, who drinks too much, smokes too much and abuses drugs, whilst having too many children that they can't afford to raise, is perhaps far more representative of the average citizen of the United Kingdom, than the suit-wearing, briefcase carrying City worker, with their well remunerated job in the service sector.

Yes, it's a liberal cliché to wring my hands with worry about the great unwashed masses. The voiceless angry mob outside London, who are in socioeconomic groups that mean that not even the advertisers care much about them, let alone the policy makers. However, something has captured the imagination of a much broader spectrum of British society, in this EU referendum.

Just as the killing of Mark Duggan was the catalyst for rioting in Tottenham, then in Croydon, and indeed all over the UK, it's clear to see that the motive for the vast majority of the rioting and looting was not to do with police action and race issues at all. It only took a trigger, for a wave of violence, vandalism, looting and rioting to be unleashed. People who would never think of running for Parliament or lobbying their local MP were literally voting with their feet, as they kicked in the windows of their local consumer goods vendor, and helped themselves to the merchandise.

I want London to feel as close to Berlin or Paris, as it is to Newcastle or Swansea. I want Europe to be united, but we are ignoring the fact that London feels very different from depressed towns and cities across the United Kingdom that are severely economically distressed, and politically ignored.

London cares more what the leaders of fellow European nations have to say, than what the mayors of other major cities do. What, for example, is the position of Liverpool in the whole Brexit/Remain debate? Nobody cares, in the newspapers that are written by London-dwelling journalists, nor in the benches of a parliament that sits in Westminster.

Distancing ourselves from Europe is the wrong thing to do. Bringing the rest of the UK into the decision-making that centres almost exclusively on London and financial services, is the right thing to do.

 

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Eurotrash

7 min read

This is a story about being a Francophile...

Chinon France

Vive la République! Having lived, worked and briefly been to school in France, I feel adequately placed to talk about some of the pros and cons of a different way of life that we aspire to.

Firstly, monarchy. I'm actually in favour of keeping the Royal Family. They're a great draw for tourists, and they give the UK a brilliant national identity. I like having the Royal Mail, Royal Mint and companies that are by Royal Appointment to various members of the aristocracy. Just as the USA has the stars and stripes, we have the Royal Crest and the Queen's head on everything. It's good branding.

The French might have cut off the heads of their aristocrats, but they still go nuts for all that royal shit. The palace of Versailles is still referred to as the Royal palace. The French still celebrate Bastille Day as if the monarchy were very much still in power: they ascribe a significance to royalty as if they had never actually become a republic.

What disadvantages do we have, remaining under divine rule? I can walk in the Royal Parks, enjoy looking at Buckingham Palace and seeing the changing of the guard, as well as all the other pomp and circumstance that accompanies the ceremonial head of state. It's better to sing God Save the Queen than some awful national anthem dreamt up by a committee, with its trite attempts to be inclusive.

Ok, so what about being a backwards agricultural nation of peasants, rednecks? Well, it's nice for a relaxing holiday. It's nice that the whole of France stops and downs tools for a proper lunch. It's nice there's still village life, with a butcher, a baker, a plumber, an electrician, a joiner and a builder, who are the mainstay of village life, under the Máire - the mayor - and people live a fairly old-fashioned life, where people shop locally and family life is at the centre of everything, along with good food & wine.

This is where I'm slightly divided. In the UK we have an 'always on' culture, where I can get 4G mobile broadband everywhere I go, and I'm constantly plugged into email, Twitter, Facebook. I eat my lunch at my keyboard and get crumbs from my sandwich all over my laptop. Village life in the UK has been destroyed as the commuter belts have moved further and further out into every pretty village with a railway station, within a few hours of London.

Sure, France has its cities, but over 50% of their working population work for the Government, and the spread of population density isn't quite as extreme as the UK, where the South-East is getting somewhat ridiculous, as London draws everything into its financial-services centric orbit.

While we're on the subject of financial services, would I rather be like France, which has had a relatively conservative approach to consumer debt and exotic financial instruments, or be like the UK where we're about as highly leveraged as we can possibly get? Well, apart from a few high profile cases like Société Générale, the French weathered la craque - the credit crunch - far better than the UK, which only survived because of the bailouts.

Basically, the UK is propped up on very shaky foundations. There is no underlying quality of life in the UK. Everything's on hire purchase, interest free credit, and the promise of work now, be rich later... screw spending time with your family or having anything other than work in your life.

Marche medieval

Those who hanker after some kind of yesteryear could do worse than moving to France. However, you need to remember that a lot is lost in translation. Even with the best colloquial French, you're still not going to understand a lot of jokes, and pick up on the cultural subtleties. You're going to end up clustering together with ex-pats, swapping tea bags, Marmite and Heinz baked beans, and pining for England.

Certainly, if you have kids that have not been raised from birth in a bilingual environment, you're denying them the chance to really bond with their peers and get the most out of their education, and enjoy their childhood. They're always going to feel different. They're always going to be an outsider.

Gone are the years when France had significantly cheaper housing and cost of living. Gone are the days of cheaper food and fuel. Gone are the days of rustic farmhouse charm. Good riddance I say. Chopping firewood and fetching your water from the well, putting sawdust on your excrement in a freezing outhouse and burying your waste in the back yard... these are things that silly children like to do, because it's an adventure. It's not a way of life that we should aspire to.

Living without TV, Internet and high quality daily newspapers - ignoring current affairs and global issues - it's dumb. Just because France still manages to maintain a certain rustic charm and village idyll, doesn't mean that it's any way realistic in our globalised world.

In a way, the anti-EU sentiment stems from a history of mocking the French as cheese-eating surrender monkeys, who live some kind of hick outdated life. But there's also jealousy there. Wouldn't we dearly like to be as true to ourselves as the French?... protesting about every threat to our way of life, and insisting that our lingua franca is enshrined? The French are often unashamedly right wing and open about the divisions in their society. When we think of the Frenchman, we are likely to think of a farmer, rather than a Parisian, and hasn't our own culture been regrettably diluted by immigration, in a way that hasn't in France?

We look at the camps in Calais, and wonder why people don't just seek asylum there. Isn't France a safe country? There must be something desirable in our own country, but really, what we are saying is that we'd prefer it if people were just passing through the UK, rather than coming to settle. We'd rather be like France, where we have shipped our immigrants out to suburbs, camps, ghettos.

For me, a vote to remain in the EU is a vote of solidarity with Europe and with France. I want the UK to be more like France, and I want France to be more like the UK. I want to feel equally at home anywhere in Europe. I don't like these ridiculous notions of rolling back the clock to some unattainable yesteryear state, where we live in idyllic little villages and roll in the hay during an eternal summer.

For me the vote to leave the EU - Brexit - is clearly driven by this enemy at the gates idea that is epitomised in the Calais camps.

Frankly, I find the idea of building barriers between us and our nearest neighbour, most distasteful. Frankly I find the idea of rejecting our European identity to be complete madness, even if there is something emotionally appealing in the Union Jack and Her Majesty The Queen.

I feel a lot happier being a son of Europe than just a subject of The Queen. I like telling people I'm a European, just as a citizen of the United States of America would tell you that they're an American. I like the idea that I could live and work anywhere in Europe with no visa or work permit considerations.

Vive la France!

 

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Breaking Point

7 min read

This is a story about dirty tricks...

One billion dollars

The Government and affluent Londoners have completely misread the public mood. There is a complete disjoint between the media, politics, and the concerns and struggles of the general population.

Youth unemployment, ballooning student debt, a lower minumum wage for people aged 18 to 24, unaffordable house prices, ridiculous cost of living... these things don't just affect young people, but also their parents. Parents are waking up to the fact that their kids aren't lazy & stupid, but in fact millennials are far better behaved than any previous generation. You just have to look at falling alcohol consumption, smoking and teenage pregnancy rates, to see that today's young people are far more responsible than their parents and grandparents ever were.

Meanwhile, there's a population bubble that is coming up to retirement age and hoping to collect a final salary pension - an income that is not at all linked to how much they have paid in and asset values - that is causing a massive deficit that nobody is talking about.

Everybody's dug into their trenches.

Students quite rightly demand the same standard of education that their parents received, but must get themselves tens of thousands of pounds into debt, and there isn't even the guarantee of a good job at the end of an expensive education.

Pensioners quite rightly demand the same retirement age as their parents, but are going to live much longer, healthier, lives in their retirement, and expect to continue an extremely high standard of living: 3 foreign holidays a year, new cars and large empty houses, with expensive luxury kitchens & bathrooms, lavishly decorated.

Parents quite rightly expect their kids to move out, live independently, get married, have some grandkids. But that's not going to happen unless parents share some of their wealth, and many parents are already worried about whether they have enough money to maintain their high standard of living. So, the reality is kids never leave home, never become financially independent, are never able to escape the demeanment of being dependent on their parents.

Driving this drop in living standards is the fact that the West has been exporting its inflation for years. The postwar boom years were achieved by abandoning the gold standard and printing money. The only way that the value of the Pound, Dollar, Euro and Yen have been propped up is by an agreement called Bretton Woods, which defined a basket of so-called "hard" currencies.

Now, the people of the developing nations are demanding payback. These people have worked far harder and saved far more money, than the arrogant West. These people are quite rightly dissatisfied with being economically enslaved by a culture that broadcasts its profligacy to the world. If Hollywood is to be believed, we all live in mansions, drive supercars, fly helicopters and know the President of the United States of America, personally.

People want everything they were promised, but reality is a real let-down.

Even in London, where the streets are paved with gold, we live in tiny damp flats, with paper-thin walls where you can hear every little noise your neighbours make and the din from passing traffic is incessant. We are like sweaty sardines on a dangerously overcrowded public transportation network, working the longest hours in Europe, in the hope of affording some ludicrously overpriced piece of real estate. Pollution and crime is all around us. Yet, we are high-brow Guardian newspaper readers, who deign to patronise the ordinary working people outside the M25.

Nobody in the provinces gives a shit about a few malnourished brown people. They just want the cushy life their parents had: with a free University education, a seat on an uncrowded train, a 9 to 5 job that has a big enough salary for one parent to work, buy a house, pay the bills and raise some kids. However, that dream is never going to come to fruition.

Voting against yourself

People have been disengaged with politics for years. The disillusionment with the instruments that maintain the status quo, has reached crisis point. The wealthy elite have been too greedy for too long, and they have completely misread the public mood, the will of the people.

We're going to have problems when even the middle classes become squeezed, because their kids are a massive drain on their finances. The middle classes are the ones who still wield some political clout, and can even become somewhat radicalised.

Finger-pointing at immigrants will fool some simple-minded folks who didn't pay attention at school and who fail to see the spine-chilling parallels with the rise of far-right fascism in 1930s and 1940s Europe. However, it's only going to buy a very small amount of time, before the UK descends into all out chaos and destruction.

While one generation goes on strike, to demand that their final salary pensions aren't touched, and the protection of jobs that have become unnecessary due to technological advancements, another generation will have their lives made ever more miserable. Young people have to suffer train strikes, on services that are already overcrowded and cost a significant proportion of their income, in order to get to a job where they're paid less simply because they're young, and their money disappears into the black hole of the pensions deficit, with no hope of ever owning a home and having the luxury of going on strike themselves, for fear of losing their job.

We are being turned against one another, and against minority groups like immigrants and Muslims, when the real culprits for our suffering are the public-schooled wealthy elite, who become career politicians and rule over us. The real culprits are those who take out more than they've paid in. The real culprits are those who expect us to work harder than they would work themselves.

The enemy here is inequality, not immigration. The thing that we should be correcting is the rich:poor divide, not dismantling the safety net of social welfare, and blaming people who suffer long-term disability, or immigrants.

We have been manipulated by the media and politicians into voting against our self-interests. We have elected politicians who have massively increased national debt, while at the same time making people more insecure in their jobs, less financially well-off.

Now, the politically inactive class have become radicalised, in voting for right-wing policies, and for relinquishing politically progressive ideals, which had given us greater protection for ordinary working people.

A vote to leave the EU is further playing into the hands of wealthy property owners, who want to see the clock rolled back to a time when there were no labour unions, worker rights and there was no job security or opportunity to better yourself. Brexit is vote to increase the power of a bunch of Eton-educated toffs, who have never done a hard day's work in their lives.

Yes, things need to change, and things need to change quickly, if we are not going to suffer a terrible rebellion by a hard-pressed working public, that could sweep away most of the advancements that our society has made, at great expense.

However, reversing the result of a referendum that was already held once before, is not the way forward. The House of Commons should be just that: representative of the common person. Getting rid of EU gravy-trainers simply hands more power to the wealthy elite, who have presided over a shameful decline in the British public's standard of living, for far too long.

Voting Brexit sends completely the wrong message to the elite, and to nasty bigots, like UKIP's Nigel Farage. Voting Brexit emboldens those who wish to divide and rule us.

 

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Everybody's Got to Work

6 min read

This is a story about working class heroes...

White van man

What could be more symbolic of the ordinary working Englishman, than the white van driver? What embodies the British working class more than a beer-gutted builder, wolf whistling at a pretty girl in the street, from the vantage point of their scaffolding? What could be more patriotic than the colours of the St George's flag, and a rioting football hooligan, swilling lager while chanting racial abuse?

Oneupmanship is rife, even when people are talking about reverse snobbery. People say to me "everybody's got to work" as if they're some kind of class hero, some kind of fucking Victorian chimney sweep. They see themselves as hardworking, and everybody else as angst-filled spoiled brats.

But, this is stupidity, plain and simple.

The fact of the matter is, people don't have to work. There is enough wealth, that if it was all shared out, we'd have over $200,000 each, so a family of 2 adults and 3 kids would have a million dollars. That's enough to live for 548 years, in the developing world.

In actual fact, we have been programmed - brainwashed - to believe that what we do is productive and useful and necessary. Somehow, the world's going to come to an end without those sales forecasts. Somehow, everybody's going to die if you don't fill in your timesheet. Somehow, all the crops are going to fail if you don't sell any insurance policies today.

I was watching a documentary about legal highs last night, and the film-maker asked a guy who was manufacturing and selling legal drugs how he could live with himself, knowing that he was fuelling people's addictions: "everyone's gotta work" he said.

I worked for a weapons manufacturer, as my first job after college. If you don't think to yourself "what is the negative impact on the world of what I do?" then you're a fucking idiot. You can't hide behind "everyone's got to work".

"I was just following orders" is the equivalent of "everyone's got to work". Being a guard in a concentration camp, or an officer of an army committing a genocide... those things are jobs, and everyone's got to work, apparently. It's pathetic. You can't hide behind a justification like that.

Anyone who says I'm lazy is going to get a boot up their fucking arse. I've founded multiple businesses and worked 100+ hour weeks, in a non-stop career that hasn't included any breaks, any gap years, any sitting around reading fucking books. I've been in full-time education and employment since I was out of fucking nappies. Fuck off. Fuck all the way off.

What I'm talking about is conscientious objection. Yes, we normally associate that with people who refuse to do a government's killing for them. However, the way that wars are waged nowadays is not with boots on the ground, but in boardrooms, stock markets and with foreign currency trades.

There's an arms race, where multinational corporations have enslaved the world. If I have an economic monopoly, because I have used my stock price in order to acquire all my competitors, I obviously control the labour market as well the ability to manipulate prices.

I can buy a pair of jeans from Primark for £7. How is that possible? Somebody still has to pick the cotton. Somebody still has to operate the sewing machine. We haven't entered a robotic futuristic world yet.

Automated factory

Here's a picture of the very moment that I broke down, and became so depressed that I could no longer work. This is the West's lie, their fantasy, their trick. This is a robotic distribution centre, where goods are distributed to stores, for your consumption. This is what we believe is the reality of progress, and innovation.

However, somebody still has to pick the cotton. It might feel like we're arrived in a futuristic utopia, but the reality is that simply the shitty jobs have mostly been offshored. When I decided I wanted to be an electrician, it's because somebody in a callcentre in India can't clamber down the phone line and come and fix your lights.

The lack of a tangible reality, in almost everything I did as a software engineer, really started to fuck me up. Where's the physical proof that something I did was useful to humanity? In actual fact, I had proof of quite the opposite, having been right at the very heart of the credit crunch during 2007/2008.

Turning on each other and saying crap like "get a job" and "everybody's gotta work" is such utter bullshit. People who have become depressed and can't work have got it right. Propping up a system that enslaves most of humanity is total horseshit. You damn well should be depressed about your crappy job that ignores the blatant crime of economic imperialism. It is unconscionable.

We are now living in such a highly-leveraged society, that nobody can take their foot off the gas pedal. People have skin in the game - kids - so they think they have to keep servicing their debts, paying their rent/mortgage, working their crappy job. People mistakenly believe that work will set them free. Work will not set you free - you toil for your own demise.

The worship of corporate profits means that people must work longer hours for less money, in real terms. Wage inflation is rock bottom, and that means that your wealth is inflated away. The cost of goods, services, housing, food... all these things have massively increased, but average wages have barely budged.

The brainwashed massses are now fighting with one another. Instead of being pleased that your co-worker got that promotion, we think "it should have been me". We think "I could do what they do" and secretly hope that our peers are just as downtrodden as us, just as hard-up. There is jealousy, resentment.

The crabs in the bucket are pulling each other back down into their prison, whenever one of them is close to escape. The working public are crawling all over each other, in a seething mass of claws and excrement at the bottom of a plastic bucket, just waiting for the day that they're tossed into a pan of boiling water.

The government encourages us to report benefit cheats and other victimless crime. We are taught to bully and abuse people who don't work. We are brainwashed into thinking we're some kind of fucking hero, for working a shit job that does nothing except perpetuate human misery and further compound global problems.

Have a kid, get a dog. Try to pretend you're really important. Well done. Gold star. You worked your job, without giving a shit about what it really fucking means.

Indian slum

This is the reality of how your cotton pickers and callcentre staff get to work. This is the future. This is what you don't see, as a consequence of "everyone needs to work" and feeling smug about what a hard little worker you are.

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10 Responsibilities of Freedom

10 min read

This is a story about being a civilised adult...

Tube sticker

Now that we have the Internet and social media, as a platform - a soapbox - for every vile, uncultured, ill-educated, nasty little specimen of humanity, people are throwing caution to the wind and broadcasting opinions that they would have never dreamt of publicly sharing, before the days that like-minded fools were allowed to cluster together, bonded by their mutually unpleasant views.

We are not at school anymore. You are a grown up. Try to behave as such.

With freedom comes responsibility. Just because you're not immediately dragged off to jail for detestably fascist remarks, it doesn't mean it's OK. Just because you're getting "likes" and "shares" of your social media posts, in the echo chamber of your hate group, doesn't mean that your views are acceptable.

Freedom of speech comes at a cost, and that cost is that individuals must self-censor and control their primitive animal-like behaviour. Public hangings, stonings, witch burnings, fights... these things will always draw a crowd. However, it's our collective and individual responsibility to condemn barbaric behaviour.

So, here's a 10-step guide to preventing the human race destroying itself, by exercising its freedom without regard for responsibility and consequences:

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1. Should you really say that?

There's a reason why hate crime has been written into the statute book. You are breaking the law if you incite violence and hatred with your words. Just being subtle about it doesn't excuse you.

If Nigel Farage can stand in front of a billboard with a bunch of people with dark skin tones, and suggest that these people are the enemy at the gate, that's a hate crime, to my mind. Every demand to "deport" the people you don't like very much because of their race, religion or skin colour, is perpetuating hate and divisions in society.

2. It's not just about you

Occupying a position of global dominance and wealth means that our nation has additional responsibilities. While you might think that we should "look after our own" in actual fact, what you are saying is that subjugated nations should continue to toil as our slaves.

If you don't share the wealth, you deserve to have your empire toppled. Do you really want to sit back and enjoy the spoils of war, torture and human suffering? Have you considered the price - in human lives - of the luxuries that you enjoy, or are you simply demanding to be wilfully ignorant?

3. Since when did conflict become desirable?

Why do things have to be "us" and "them"? Making things into an adversarial situation feels good, if you're on the winning side, but it's not the civilised thing to do. Of course, I'd love to get a big stick and a gang of thugs, and go and rob my weak neighbour, but that's not the way to conduct yourself.

If you're digging into your trenches, and thinking of ways to defend your argument and promote your cause, you're looking at things in the wrong way. Try to empathise with your 'enemy'. We all bleed red and we're all pink on the inside. You probably have more in common with the group that you're baring your teeth at, than you even realise.

4. Ad hominem attacks are not acceptable

Ok, you want to have some debate? You want to have a rational discussion? Well, personal attacks are not allowed. They're below-the-belt blows, not valid arguments. Differences of opinion cannot be settled by bringing somebody's character into question.

You might not like my views, but they could be the right ones, even if you don't like who I am as a person. Anybody can put the correct argument forward: they're just a spokesperson, a messenger for rational ideas.

5. Your defence is paper-thin

By grouping together with people who share your vile views, you share tips on how to defend yourself from the onslaught of a world intent on civilising you. You have developed a set of standard replies to the obvious criticisms of your unpleasant opinions.

Saying "I'm not racist, because Islam is not a race" is a straw-man argument. You're being discriminatory over a group of people. You're attempting to use some pathetic words to excuse your disgusting behaviour.

If you follow the same logic, you could end up being a Nazi apologist "because Judaism is not a race". I don't really care what the basis for your hatred is... it's wrong to discriminate.

6. What are you striving for?

If your goal for humanity is to go back to some time that you're nostalgic for, you are a being a fool. Today, we have medicine, safety standards, leisure time, vast quantities of high quality food, global communication and the ability to protect ourselves from many forces of nature.

You can't "close the door" on some advancing horde of brown people that you don't like very much, just the same as you can't abolish the poor either. You can't wave a magic wand and we'll all be transported back to some kind of bygone era, where we all live in a land of plenty. There are 7.1 billion mouths to feed on the planet, and they all have equal rights. I hope you're not arguing for some kind of race supremacy!

7. Do your research

There's no excuse for ignorance. Education is a privilege that you have enjoyed, and if you're sharing your nasty opinions on the Internet, then you're obviously able to read. I expect you might even be dimly aware that there were a couple of World Wars, and millions of people died. What did they die for? So that you can perpetrate another genocide?

Why do you not automatically recoil in horror from things that are echoes of an undesirable past? Why do you not associate the camps in Calais with prisoner of war camps and forced labour camps? Why do you not associate the refugee processing centres with ghettos, where undesirable members of society were forced to live, during previous atrocities?

8. What are your motives?

What does "take our country back" really mean? Is it true that really, deep down, you feel cheated? You're getting a raw deal. This isn't the life that you were promised. You've been let down. The system has failed you.

Your anger and frustration isn't with immigrants, it's with the politicians who gave tax breaks to the wealthy and allowed monopolies to dominate the world. The rich got richer and the poor got poorer, and sadly, you're in the bucket with all the other poor people. The landed gentry don't care about you any more than they care about the hungry brown person trying to get into our country for a bowlful of rice.

9. What are your values?

Do you strive for equality? Do you strive for greater knowledge? Do you believe in freedom? How would you like to improve the human condition? Do you have empathy, sympathy, compassion?

If your goal in life is to simply have more for you and your family, have you really considered the bigger picture? Do you really not give a shit, that for you to have Sky TV and a new car, perhaps hundreds and thousands of people are going to starve to death?

10. No man is an island

Yes, it's a nice fantasy, to think of yourself marooned on a desert island with everything you need. You're going to drink coconut milk, eat wild boar and civilise the natives. Bullshit.

What are you going to do without your smartphone, built in a factory in China or Korea? What are you going to do without your fresh fruit, that you can get even in the middle of winter, because it's flown into the country from Kenya? Who's going to clean your toilet and wash your car?

Building walls, or saying that your borders end at the seashore is total rubbish. Are you going to stop going abroad to all those countries that you want to send those brown people back to? Have you even looked at a map, and figured out where your all-inclusive package holiday is on the planet?

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Why does it not chill you to the core, the thought of a world of divisions? Why does the idea of dismantling unions, co-operative pacts, systems of teamwork and collaboration, not make you upset and feel like we're going backwards? Why does the idea that a brown person has fewer rights than you, with your white skin, not seem abhorrent, wrong?

Seeing a young, fit, healthy man who wants to come and work, pay taxes and grow the economy, should be a welcome sight. The sight of a family fleeing war and conflict, should instill a nurturing instinct - we should be welcoming people, comforting them, accommodating them, not slamming the door in their face.

Yes, it's true that infrastructure is at breaking point. Yes it's true that traditional ways of life are under threat. Yes it's true that society is not well integrated, and people have clustered together in ethnic groups. However that's not a cost, that's a benefit of progress. I love that I'm able to hear nearly 300 different languages spoken in my home town of London. I love that I'm able to travel between different areas and experience different cultures. My life is enriched and improved, by embracing the very best that the world has to offer.

The people who uproot their families and embark upon perilous journeys in order to make a better life for themselves, are making a better life for everybody. The people who you want to exclude from society are motivated, hard working, industrious, resourceful, humble, worldly and bring energy and enthusiasm, that is completely lacking in a population that wants to rest on its laurels.

Our grandparents and great grandparents fought for our freedom, not so that we could horde it for ourselves, but so that we can share it. Our way of life doesn't need protecting, it needs to be distributed globally.

Freedom is not a commodity that's just for us. Everybody should have freedom. But the price of freedom is being responsible, and acting with restraint and human decency. Those who are free must be kind and compassionate, and share more. Those who are free must set an example. Those who are free must try harder, reach further, think deeper, consider the implications of everything they do.

If we don't act with responsibility that extends beyond our own selfish wants and immediate gratification, everything's going to crumble before our very eyes, and finger-pointing at immigrants is going to be the catalyst. While we wail about brown people and lament the loss of a bygone era that never existed, we will throw away the beautiful things we have constructed.

All this infighting and tribal, regressive, aggressive behaviour deeply saddens me, and reminds me of nasty kids in the playground. Aren't we supposed to have grown up?

 

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Debt Write-Off

7 min read

This is a story about the collapse of civilisation...

Precariat

What is it that causes empires to collapse? Why have fascinating ancient civilisations crumbled into ruins? Well, one prevailing theory seems to be that these societies failed to forgive debts, before there was a popular uprising.

There's a disrespect for working people that's highly prevalent in the world. We have a patronising attitude towards people who get themselves in heaps of credit card debt, or take out mortgages that they can't afford. We seem to assume that the when loans go bad, it's is somehow the fault of the borrowers.

In actual fact, having sat in on phonecalls with many people who are in a distressed debt situation, they did nothing more than try to make ends meet and have a lifestyle that should be considered completely normal in a developed Western country.

Most people who've got into a debt-spiral did so because there's no way to legitimately dig their way out of the hole. They already work the maximum hours that they're able to, but yet their earning potential has maxed out. When the car breaks down, they have to borrow to meet the shortfall, and this tips them into a downward spiral, because they'll never be able to find the extra cash, due to punitive interest rates.

The story is almost always the same. When things start going wrong, people hover up every bit of available credit in order to maintain their perfectly reasonable lifestyle. People still need to replace their clothes, and cheap clothes wear out very quickly. People still need to get to work, and transport costs are significant. People even need to service their addictions. Without tobacco and alcohol, many lives would simply be unbearable. These are not luxuries, and people are not profligate for expecting a minimum standard of living.

If you look at the kind of savings you can make by economising and shopping around, it's fairly depressing. You might be able to save a few pounds by shopping at another supermarket on the other side of town, but what about the extra fuel you burned getting there, and the extra wear & tear on the car? What about the waste of your time, that could have been spent working more hours... if they were offered?

The fact of the matter is, that in free market economics, prices will find a level that is just about affordable for people on an average wage. If you price things too high, then everybody goes bankrupt and just refuses to work because the game is a stupid one. If you price things too low, then there's untapped profits and people rise out of poverty and refuse to do shitty jobs anymore. So, things have to be priced just right so that everybody is looking at their bank balance and eking things out to the end of the month, every month, month after month, year after year.

If you're a politician, landlord or a businessman, you want to find the price elasticity of demand so that you know how much you can charge as taxes, rent and the price of your products, such that demand is not unduly impacted. You want to charge the maximum tax, maximum rent and maximum price for everything, without people saying "fuck this" in huge numbers. Everything is priced based on the limit of what most people will just about put up with.

Drug money

Unfortunately, people get ground down. Working your whole life just to pay taxes and service debts starts to get pretty irritating. People can see that they don't stand any chance of ever getting ahead in life.

We can see that there's a link between poverty and ridiculous dreams. Where people are poor, gambling is popular, and there's no bigger tax on the poor than a lottery. The lottery is the ultimate con, because it robs the very poorest people of a significant proportion of their income, whilst also giving them false hope that they might one day escape their situation.

Other ridiculous dreams include becoming a professional athlete, and becoming a famous pop singer or movie star. The number of Premier League footballers and TV celebrities is a piss in the ocean. In percentage terms, you're more likely to win a lottery or some kind of accumulator bet.

So many kids these days say that they want to be "famous" but they have no idea what for... singing probably. Vast numbers of people watch singing contests like X-Factor, Pop Idol and The Voice, and unwittingly, they are buying into this fairytale dream that they're going to be plucked from obscurity and poverty one day, and get to live this A-list celebrity lifestyle that's rammed down our throats with shows like Made in Chelsea and The Only Way is Essex, let alone Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Panem et circenses has paved the way for the political class to become ever more powerful, with the proletariat feeling that their vote would make no difference, and their time is better devoted to watching banal wannabe celebrities croon on a television show, as well as spending money to vote on premium rate phone lines.

Banks are "too big to fail" but the ordinary working person receives no government bailout for their financial woes, when it becomes evident that they can no longer service the debt that they have run up. However, there has been no popular uprising yet, because people are resigned to government and corporate control of their lives.

For me, the rioting and looting that we saw in the Tottenham and Croydon riots in London is indicative of a huge portion of society who are taunted with expensive consumer goods that they'll never be able to afford, and offered no jobs or legitimate opportunity, in order to acquire the material things that they desire.

Debt has been the only way that people have been able to get the celebrity lifestyle that's rammed down everybody's throats. All those flashy new cars are on hire purchase. All those gold-plated iPhones are bought with credit cards. All those lovely clothes are purchased on storecards. I don't think these people are idiots, and I don't think they're financially reckless. They've been told their whole lives that they're entitled to these things.

However, the more that people are denied the things that they've been promised - houses, cars, holidays and all the trimmings - the more they're going to wonder why they should work, only to get deeper and deeper into debt, and to have a miserable life where they're just counting down to payday, only for their hard-earned cash to be swallowed by rent, debts, transport, food, clothing and other life essentials.

We are asking too much of our working people, and at some point they're going to realise that it's not the immigrants who are to blame, but the ruling class.

Canada Square

The party never stopped for the elite. The good times just kept rolling. You can't prop things up forever, when working people are so unhappy.

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Life

7 min read

This is a story about reproduction...

Flower

A flower is the sexual organ of a plant. A bunch of flowers is a bunch of genitals. They're a lot prettier than a man's meat & two veg though, admittedly.

Apparently, sending a picture of your manhood to the object of your affections is an accepted part of the new modern courtship ritual. A friend once told me she thought it was basically the same as "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" except completely unsolicited. I shudder to think what it must be like for girls on Tinder and Snapchat.

I guess I'm almost an ultra-conservative. I actually aspire to have a relatively old-fashioned relationship. I think gender roles are not actually a bad thing. The expectation for women to carry the unborn infant, give birth and be the primary caregiver, whilst also being expected to take the lead in maintaining domestic bliss, and have a career to boot, is too much to ask of somebody. Whore in the bedroom, chef in the kitchen, maid in the home, nanny to the kids and power-dressing bosswoman.

Men like to feel useful, needed, but frankly, once you've ponied up half a teaspoonful of baby batter, in order to impregnate somebody, your job's pretty much done in this society where women do it all. Is it any wonder that it's acceptable for men to be the butt of so many jokes: we're truly the weaker sex.

I feel like I might have offended a couple of my friends who are parents, with my bitter rants at my own parents. There's been plenty of times that I've written about the neurology of parenthood - the endorphins that are released in order to bond parent with child - and it has perhaps seemed like I've been attacking the 'magic' of parenthood by reducing it to its chemical nuts and bolts.

Believe me, I'm a sensation seeker, and just about the only thing left on my bucket list is to know what it's like to become a parent. I'd love to be so reckless and irresponsible as to just take a wild leap into the unknown, on the assumption that everything would be just fine. "You'll find a way" people say, and "there's never a right time".

Yes, that's right, there's never a right time. I've been thinking about population growth, and how much faster the human population has grown than anybody would have ever predicted. 60 years ago, the population was predicted to have grown to 3 billion by the year 2000. In actual fact, the population was over double that.

We now have over 7 billion mouths to feed on planet Earth. Not only that, but we all want to drive our little darlings around in gas-guzzling cars, have a pet doggie, take the whole family away on exotic holidays and fill our homes with cheap goods manufactured in the Far East. Something doesn't add up.

We talk about economic austerity, but the reality is much, much worse. The standard of living that we've all enjoyed, needs to take a massive nosedive, but nobody wants to hear it.

Choking planet

I desperately want to have some kids of my own, and a pet dog, and probably a cat too. I desperately want to return to the jet-set lifestyle I enjoyed a few years ago. I want to buy another car, another speedboat. However, just recycling a few bottles and buying a Toyota Prius is not going to offset the global impact of these selfish choices.

If there's one thing I know about experts, it's that they're usually conservative in their estimates. If the weatherman says to prepare for a gale, you should get ready for a hurricane. If the population experts say that the world population is going to be over 9 billion in 2050, we should assume that it's going to be 12 billion. If climate scientists say that global temperatures are going to increase by 2 degrees centigrade, we should assume they're going to increase by 4 degrees. If tide gauges show that sea levels have risen by a foot, we should expect them to rise another two feet in the coming years.

We have a culture where we're encouraged to think of our little nuclear families as little fortresses. We have double-locked front doors, and fences round our gardens. Our homes are our castles, and we view the world as vicious place, full of paedophiles, rapists, robbers and other things that are "out to get us". We are not only individually selfish - thinking about the immediate gratification of our reproduction and nurturing instincts - but we are collectively selfish, in that we put the needs of our family ahead of the needs of our species.

Yes, you're damn right, I would love to be a dad and to have a best friend in the form of a dog. I'm sure nothing could be more fulfilling than the feeling of adoration from the animals I feed. Many scientific studies have proven that it's nice to feel like the alpha, the leader of the pack, and nothing epitomises that more than the domestication of dogs. Dogs are pack animals, so they are genetically predisposed towards seeking approval of the 'alpha'.

However, dogs and babies are polluting. Disposable nappies are convenient, but make up a huge component of landfill. It's said that if an alien race were to come to Earth in a couple of hundred years time, when we've all died, they'll assume that we were a civilisation of incontinent midgets, because the mountains of nappies will still not have biodegraded.

I certainly wouldn't want to raise a kid without modern parenting aids. I certainly don't hanker for the days where we all died prematurely of preventable diseases and of starvation when the crops failed. However, where is the responsibility?

Dog ownership is the very pinnacle of irresponsibility. These are predatory carnivores. The meat we need to keep them means that huge swathes of arable land is used to grow animal feed, in order to keep our pets fed. Nobody can argue that keeping these animals as pets is a good use of finite resources. Having a dog is more polluting than having a car.

City living is responsible living: where we are entertained by culture rather than wiping up snot and vomit and spawning more mouths to feed. Where we are able to move around using mass transit systems that only work where there are economies of scale. Where we are able to be fed in massive refectories. We can have vast variety of food with relatively little wastage, because the population is so dense. Where the distances we have to travel are far less, because we build upwards, not outwards.

Yes, I feel unfulfilled, not having a nurturing outlet. I'd love to have some kids, a dog, a house in the country. However, it's irresponsible.

City sheep

Just doing what your parents did, what other people do... that's sheep-like behaviour. Saying "well they did it too" is no defence, when you know you're acting recklessly, irresponsibly. We have birth control, we have planned parenthood, we know the problems we face as a species, as a planet. Do you want your kids and grandkids to starve to death on an infertile, polluted and inhospitable Earth?

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Why I'm Voting For Trump & Brexit

3 min read

This is a story about U-turns...

Trump Brexit Vote

I've been backing the wrong side. I've been in the wrong camp. I've been barking up the wrong tree. I've been the odd one out.

As somebody who's certifiably insane, divorced, nearly been bankrupt a bunch of times, been homeless, had drug problems, drinks too much, has a chip on my shoulder about a bunch of stuff, can descend into long insane rants that aren't backed by any facts, and I'm prone to irrational behaviour... what the hell was I thinking? This was clearly inconsistent with throwing my weight behind the campaign to keep Trump away from becoming the leader of the free world, and to keep the United Kingdom in the European Union.

I've failed at everything in my life and I'm angry with the world. All of my pent-up frustration with my own shortcomings will be well served with a "feel good" vote, that will hopefully give a bloody nose to those pesky immigrants. Having a minority group to blame for my economic inactivity and my bitterness and resentment, will give me an outlet for my barely concealed racism and lack of cultural sensitivity.

Frankly, I feel relieved to no longer have to check facts or find rational arguments for my behaviour. Acting in a way that has been swayed by emotive and sensationalistic journalism, feels more natural and allows me to stick with the crowd, the gang, the mob.

I feel like I'll fit right in amongst other financially reckless, insane, bigoted, bitter and twisted people who appeal to the primal, animalistic and most basic of human instincts, rather than that airy-fairy, namby-pamby, liberal, enlightened nonsense, with its touchy-feely mushy crap that doesn't give me that sense of belonging that I get by acting like a football hooligan.

Hooliganism gets a bad press, but it's quite a thrill, being part of a baying crowd, wreaking havoc through civilised society. Vandalism and violence are fun, when perpetrated against small groups of peaceful, pacifistic and law-abiding people, who can be dehumanised by considering them 'terrorist sympathisers'.

Having the world simplified for me, so that I see it as "us" and "them" has made a complex political landscape and frightening world into a game of cowboys & indians, cops & robbers, goodies and baddies. I like feeling that I'm one of the good guys, and I like excluding people, and blaming them for everything that's bad in the world.

The pressure to be educated, informed and to act in a rational way in accordance with the facts was a real drag. There was too much pressure to think about the best interests of everybody in society, and consider global issues, macroeconomics and the precedent set by foreign policy as well as the domestic treatment of marginalised people. I feel relieved to have found a way to simplify my worldview to a kind of wonderful fairytale fantasy where one vote will fix the world's problems.

Building walls, blaming immigrants, fragmentation, divisions in society, mistrust and disrespect of one another... these have always been a sound basis for policies and the advancement of humanity, I feel sure. I'm glad I don't have to check my facts anymore or consider similar historical outcomes, now that I've joined the monster raving loony party.

Go Trump! Go Brexit!

Stupid people in large groups

You might have misunderestimated me.

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Chemical Hooks

10 min read

This is a story about addictive personalities...

Snorting Coffee

We all know what the root cause of addiction is, don't we? It's taking drugs. It's the chemicals that cause addiction, by getting their 'hooks' into us. We get hooked by these chemicals, and we're then going to be a filthy addict, until the day we die, right? Wrong.

Nobody would think that a sex addict injects prostitutes and pornographic DVDs. Nobody would think that a gambling addict would inject a pack of cards or casino chips. Nobody would think that an 'adrenalin junkie' would inject a snowboard or a mountain bike. Clearly, there's something else that's going on, apart from the chemicals that we put into our bodies.

In fact, none of us can survive without a whole chemical cocktail, of vitamins, minerals, amino acids and proteins. We put myriad chemicals into our bodies every day, and if we don't we are in some way deficient. I don't just mean in our diet that we consider 'food'.

Your morning cup of coffee is not food. If you were to have it black, with no milk or creamer, without any sugar, then you would find it very bitter. Espressos are very small. There is probably negligible calorific value in black coffee, so why would you drink it?

Similarly with tea, which is an infusion, very little nutritional value has passed from the tea leaves into the hot water. There is some value in drinking the water, but you'd be more hydrated if you just had it in unadulterated form.

Why do we put milk, creamer and sugar in our tea & coffee? To make it taste nicer. Why would you want to drink something that doesn't have any nutritional value, is less hydrating than water, doesn't taste very nice and needs something in it to mask the taste? Answer: because you have been habituated into drinking it.

Habituation is not the same as addiction.

I gave up all caffeine, and it was an incredibly hard thing to do. Once I had gotten over the headaches, I then had to suffer cognitive impairment, sluggishness, and tiredness. Then came the cravings. I used to fantasise about having hot drinks or an ice-cold Coca-Cola.

The combination of caffeine and sugar is certainly a nice thing to get habituated to, unlike cigarette smoking, and the chemical hooks definitely play a part in both - nicotine and caffeine - but it's the habituation that is the hard thing to break.

Are you bored? Have a cup of tea or coffee, or smoke a cigarette. Are you anxious? Have a cup of tea or coffee, or smoke a cigarette. Are you waiting around for somebody? Have a cup of tea or coffee, or smoke a cigarette. Are you trying to concentrate on some work? Have a cup of tea or coffee, or smoke a cigarette. Are you travelling somewhere? Have a cup of tea or coffee, or smoke a cigarette.

The habit-forming things that we do become the punctuation in our life. Our dirty little habits become a measure of time. We get through our days with a remarkably similar amount of cups of tea or coffee, diet cokes and cigarettes. We know we've had a super stressful day when we've ripped through a packet of smokes. We know we've had a super boring day when our bladder is full of tea. We know we were super exhausted, when we load up on coffee.

Beer in the sun

What about downers, sedatives, relaxants? Well, we need those to calm down from all those stimulants that get us through the day. If you've loaded up on caffeine - which is identical to amphetamine in the brain - then you're going to be full of nervous energy, and could even potentially suffer from insomnia if you've been having it late in the day.

Eventually though, you'll become tolerant of both your chosen uppers and your chosen downers. These habit-forming things will be woven seamlessly into your daily routine. Coffee with breakfast, tea breaks throughout the day, can of cola with your lunch, and wine, beer and spirits to relax after work.

All these things cost money and have either negligible nutritional value, or are actually bad for your health, so why don't you just quit? Well, you'll find it very hard to do if you try. You might think to yourself "there was that one time where I didn't have any coffee, so I can give up anytime I want" but actually, caffeine is everywhere in your life, and you're unwittingly topping yourself up, at least every couple of days. You probably didn't count the coffee you had after dinner at that restaurant at the weekend, or the can of cola that you had when you were out shopping.

Gamblers are notoriously bad at only remembering their wins, and forgetting about their losses. If you ask a gambler whether they've made money or lost money, over the course of the years they've been betting, they'll probably tell you they're "up" overall. This is nonsense. The more you play, the more you're down: it's a statistical inevitability. In much the same way, people just aren't able to admit to themselves how many cups of tea and coffee, cans of cola and cigarettes they consume. They have no idea how habituated they are.

But, is this addiction? No, it is not.

Addiction is the point where something becomes detrimental to your life but you're unable to stop. It's true that 50% of smokers will die as a result of complications associated with their habit, but at any one time, only a small percentage of smokers will actually be in immediate danger of dying of cancer, heart disease and other smoking-related diseases. It's easy - in the short term - to say that the bad stuff hasn't yet happened.

Most smokers, drinkers and consumers of caffeinated beverages, don't steal to support their habits. They are holding down jobs and providing for their families, even if they're spending a proportion of their income on their poisons. In this way, they're not actually addicts.

When we look at 'adrenalin junkies', many of them actually have toned and athletic physiques from a healthy outdoors lifestyle. What could be further from the life of a heroin junkie, who is pale and emaciated, than a surfer with their tanned and muscular body? A surfer wants to look after their body, because it provides the power to catch waves. An injecting heroin addict's body is ravaged by abscesses and collapsed veins, as the suffering individual places higher importance on intoxication, than on preserving their health.

So, language is failing to capture what exactly addiction really is. Loving your family or your pet is not an addiction. Enjoying sex is not an addiction. Playing poker is not an addiction. Being passionate about a hobby is not an addiction. Even drinking tea, coffee and smoking cigarettes is hard to call an addiction, until you develop a problem where you can't afford your habit or you have actually developed a disease.

I was once asked in rehab, where I was recovering from a binge on benzodiazepines and stimulants - whether I thought I was an addict. I replied that I didn't think I was an addict. I was going cold turkey from a horrible cocktail of about 5 different drugs, all of which I had paid for with money I had earned in my job. I had paid for the rehab out of money which I had saved up. When I got cleaned up, I went back to work as if nothing had happened. No lasting health damage. Nothing to suggest I had ever come off the rails.

Java house

It's stigma and ostracisation that creates 'addicts' in the conventional sense. For most people who struggle with drug addiction and alcoholism, we label them and make life extra hard for them to get ahead, get back on their feet. We put extra stresses and strains on them that other people don't have to face. We demonise and scapegoat them.

We are always asking how to free people from the chemicals; how to release them from the 'hooks', but we're asking the wrong questions. We should be asking what's so awful about a person's life that theft, prosititution and terrible health consequences are a preferable fate to whatever crappy alternative is seemingly offered.

Are there alternatives? We say that people should clean up, get a job, and live like 'normal' people. You mean the 'normal' people who drink poisonous bitter liquids in order to quench their thirst for something with no nutritious value? You mean the 'normal' people who inhale toxic smoke? You mean the 'normal' people who imbibe fermented fruit and grains in order to become intoxicated? Who the hell are these people to judge others who are merely less fortunate than them?

Would you employ an addict? Would you let them look after your kids, your money? No, I didn't think so. You've been indoctrinated into this culture of demonisation, where we're looking for convenient scapegoats, whether it's immigrants, blacks, Jews, the poor, the mentally ill, the sick or the needy. It's playground politics, where we pick on the weakest members of society, nothing more, nothing less.

My employers would shit a brick if they found out that I'd recently had my struggles with substance abuse, despite 30+ years of squeaky clean living. It doesn't seem to matter that I don't smoke, I don't take drugs, I quit boozing for the best part of 4 months. It doesn't seem to matter that I can start and stop at will. Nobody seems to take the blindest bit of notice of the obvious difference between me and a 'filthy junkie': it's the fact that I have opportunities that meant I was able to quit cold turkey and resume my normal life.

If I was to become labelled, and hamstrung by stigma, then I would without doubt just give up and while away my days in an intoxicated state. What would you do if you weren't able to get a job because you were no fixed abode, and the truthful answer to the question "what have you been doing with yourself recently?" was "getting ridiculously fucked up"? Try saying that at a job interview and see how it goes down.

I'm risking my entire career, my prospects, my future, by writing this so publicly, but why should I continue to prosper from my advantages when so many people are crushed underfoot for no more reason than because they're more honest and less fortunate?

What have I learned from my little trip to the bottom? I learned this: we're all the same under the skin. We all respond the same to stress, misfortune and every external circumstance that is beyond our control. Do people choose to get addicted to drugs? Only as much as they choose the colour of their skin, or the wealth and privilege of the family they're born into.

Take the red pill take the yellow pill

You'd probably choke on this giant pill. You wouldn't die because of the chemicals.

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