This is a story about suicidal people...
I received an email, approximately a month ago, telling me that something I wrote back in February was getting a lot of readers, via Google searches. I dismissed that event, because the email said I was getting a small amount of visitors to my website. It turns out that I was getting a huge amount.
When I finally dug into the stats, they shocked me.
- Hypercapnic alarm response - 1st
- Can you drink yourself sober - 4th
- How do you suffocate yourself - 5th
- Easiest way to kill yourself - 6th
- What is the easiest way to kill yourself - 7th
- Most reliable way to commit suicide - 7th
- Easiest way to commit suicide - 10th
- Quickest way to kill yourself - 14th
That's just a selection of the things people are searching for on Google, along with the position where my website is ranked in the search results.
I wondered why I was getting many more emails from suicidal people. Now I know - I'm on the first page of Google for most of the things which people search for when they're feeling suicidal.
Obviously, this feels like a big responsibility.
I immediately went back to what I wrote and checked it, to ensure that it didn't encourage, endorse or otherwise prompt or promote anything remotely approaching a suggestion that suicide might be a good idea. Of course, I acknowledge that suicide is a choice which is forced upon people, who are suffering unbearably horrible circumstances, but I want there to be zero suicides; I desperately want for society to take suicide prevention seriously.
The problem is not the suicidal people.
They don't need to fix things.
The problem is their circumstances.
They can't change their circumstances.
If they could, they would.
I don't think suicide is ever the answer; the solution... however it does offer relief from interminable unbearable suffering, so I understand why people consider it, and I understand why some people choose it. I wish there were alternative choices, but society does not wish to offer any, oftentimes.
Having spent time on numerous psychiatric wards, attempted suicide and suffered from persistent suicidal thoughts, for many years, I have been well aware of the mental health epidemic and the growth of suicide to be the number one cause of death in men under the age of 50, and the fastest-growing cause of death in girls and young women. I was well aware of what was going on in society, and the statistics, but I wasn't fully plugged in to that raging torrent of human misery. Now, the world's suicidal people are beating a path to my door, desperate to know how to end their suffering and pain. It's a heavy burden.
Although I've already asked myself this question many times, I have to consider whether it's responsible to talk so freely and openly about suicide methods, and to be empathetic and understanding of people's struggles, and the desire to end their lives. Aren't I supposed to treat the subject as taboo and immediately condemn anybody who's feeling suicidal as "taking the easy way out" etc.? Of course I'm not going to do that, because that's what the whole of this dreadfully shitty society is doing, which has resulted in the vast numbers of deaths of despair we see today.
Another thing I have to ask myself is what I have in common with cult leaders and others like them, who have presided over the suicide of their devoted followers, and other unwilling people swept into their death cults. I have to ask myself whether narcissism is playing a part, and whether I am leading people astray. I have to suspect myself as being a bad, dangerous person, who might cause harm.
I think. A lot.
Of the people who've contacted me over the years, while in a suicidal state, most are alive. A few are dead, including a very close friend. Am I to blame?
I think about stuff all the time. I can't switch my brain off.
I'm never going to reach any fixed and immutable conclusions. The whole point of this entire endeavour was to have an open dialogue. Only through discussion can any progress be made. Only through discourse can any thorough examination of things occur. Only by grasping the nettle, is it possible to help people who are thinking about suicide - taboos and knee-jerk reactions aren't going to help anybody.
It's very alarming to see - first hand - the vast number of people trawling the internet in a suicidally distressed state. It's daunting to be in a position of influence. It's a big responsibility to say and do the right thing. However, I hope that what I write is helping, not making things worse. I like to think it is, but I'm always open to input.
Tags: #suicide