This is a story about haters...

Nobody wants to be called vain. Nobody wants to be accused of being a narcissist. Nobody wants to be seen preening, or self-admiring.

However, how are you going to get a girlfriend or boyfriend, if you think you're unattractive? How are you going to pass that job interview, if you're not self-confident? How are you going to feel that you even deserve to be alive, if you're denied the right to at least feel that you have a little bit of value?

There seems to be this irrational paranoia, like we're all going to fall in love with our own reflections, and it will somehow be the end of the world if we allow shallow selfie culture to take root. However, I think there are a generation who have been denied the right to feel good in their own skin.

For sure, people are taking things too far, in an effort to look good. Addiction to plastic surgery and other cosmetic procedures has reached epic proportions, and some people look like a real train-wreck due to the amount of money they've poured into their appearance.

However, why don't you get your teeth straightened and whitened? Every time you see your smile in the mirror and in photographs, you're going to feel a little better about yourself. For sure, why don't you let yourself get a bit of a tan? Everybody looks healthier and happier with a rosy glow in their cheeks.

Do you know what will happen when you stop letting people tell you that you're narcissistic and vain for wanting to look good? Well, you'll start feeling a lot more comfortable in your own skin, and other things that you struggled with will fall into place. Instead of hating yourself for having that extra slice of cake and not going to the gym more often, you'll find that your weight, or at least your perception of your weight won't be such a problem.

We've all heard of body dysmorphia, right? Well, nobody can deny that there are curvy women who are just as sexy as the skinny ones. There is no absolute body size that is attractive or unattractive. Attractiveness is more a function of self confidence than something quantifiable.

I'm sure we've all looked at a couple and thought "why the hell is she/he with him/her?". There appears to be a shocking disparity in looks. However, one partner might be very secure with their image, and hence not looking for somebody to validate their own worth, while the other might need to feel that they're punching above their weight, to compensate for cripplingly low self-esteem.

It's also possible to internalise low self-esteem. Instead of buying a fancy sports car, wearing expensive jewellery and luxury clothing brands, and having a trophy partner, there are a bunch of people who become introverted in response to their low self esteem. They are shy and avoid eye contact in new and unfamiliar situations. In fact, maybe they avoid new situations altogether, because it's too much of a painful reminder of just how unpopular and unlovable they feel.

Nightclubs are the very epitome of the introverted person with low-self-esteem's idea of hell. The idea that you should basically flirt with eye contact and barely perceptible body language hints, in order to pair off with somebody through an entirely looks-based evaluation of each others attractiveness, is frankly ridiculous, if you don't think you're exactly "hot stuff".

But it doesn't take much to tip the balance. Getting drunk, having a sniff of cocaine or having your teeth whitened and a trendy haircut could make all the difference. Feeling good in your own skin is about self-perception, and it can take surprisingly few tweaks to feel completely different about yourself... it's just that you're not letting yourself do those things, because you think it's vain.

My advice: do it. It could make all the difference to your self-esteem, your confidence, how outgoing you are, and ultimately how happy you are.

It sounds so shallow, but what have you got to lose?

Tags: #mentalhealth