This is a story about our perception of time...

Watched pots never boil. Drying paint isn't very interesting. The bus always turns up just after you decided to walk. You think you're always going to be single and then you're fighting girls off with a stick.

I forgot to do a blog post yesterday, or maybe I was ill. I can't really remember. I'm getting a lot of blackouts from the legal benzodiazepines I'm taking. Life is a lot easier if you're unconscious while you wait for the world to catch up with you.

Yes, my single bit of career advice would be, get really good at a job, and then cryogenically freeze yourself until a load of time went down the shitter, so you're now the same age as other candidates for the same role, and then it's really easy to get a job.

You can fill in the bit when you were in the cryogenic freezer by saying you were doing a startup or something. Don't say you went travelling. People will think you like travelling the world meeting new people and experiencing new cultures, and those aren't the sorts of people who are very employable.

Don't whatever you do let your prospective employers know that you're human. That's the worst mistake ever. Just give people the computer readout of your calculation processing power, and problem solving algorithms and the standard deviation and other statistical measures to show consistency, and then they'll know you're an excellent quality cyborg.

Make sure you memorise all the standard answers to all the standard interview questions. They're not actually questions. It's just a means of proof that you do a lot of interviews so you must be very bad at getting a job, or you're very desperate, so they can make you a shitty salary offer.

What a silly game.

Tags: #career