This is a story about taking things to extremes...

I stopped eating for the last 4 days. It was easy. I just didn't eat, and then when I got hungry, I still didn't eat. Then I stopped feeling hungry, and I continued not eating.

Food contains carbohydrates and carbohydrates are broken down into glucose and glucose is a type of sugar and sugar is a drug. So I quit all drugs for 4 days (actually 6 months, if you don't include food).

Now, we all know that cheese is as addictive as hard drugs. In fact, food, water and oxygen are all as addictive as hard drugs, because you keep taking them and taking them, and then you die. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Giving up cheese wasn't very hard. I've hardly eaten it at all for months, but total abstinence is the only way to not be called a junkie and spat on by your own family, right? They'll spit on you for not inventing a time machine and erasing your prior misdemeanours, and call you an ex-junkie in-between their injections of heroin that is.

Basically, I win, you lose. There's literally no way for me to take this precious abstinence any further unless I put a plastic bag over my head and duct tape it around my neck so I can't breathe.

And contrary to popular belief, my life has been absolute living hell. I feel like a special robot that can feel emotions, and that emotion is sadness. I go through my robotic motions, and I wonder to myself "why the hell am I doing this? what's the fucking point?". Pretty much the only thing that's keeping me going is that I'm on day 90 of a bet that I made with a friend that I couldn't do 101 days. Every day I think to myself, only X days to go before I've proved nothing and I can either go back to being like every hypocritical judgemental ignorant idiot I have the misfortune to have to be judged by, or I can I can kill myself at the point where you would have to write in the obituary "we can't blame drugs or alcohol".

Ha ha ha. I win.

Tags: #addiction