This is a story about being two faced…
I can’t stop thinking what an ungrateful shit I am. I can’t stop thinking that I’m a horrible person. I can’t stop thinking that I’m not nice and I don’t deserve the care and assistance I’ve received; the love and support. I feel guilty about feeling the way I do… unable to fully appreciate how lucky I am. I should be counting my blessings, but I’m not, which means I must be the most awful person who ever existed in the entire history of everything ever.
Who am I to complain about anything? Who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? Who am I to say I’m struggling? Who am I to be anything at all, other than the grovelling piece of dirt that I am; a worthless piece of shit; a beggar.
I must’ve been like this all along. I must’ve been hiding my true identity. I must be an ungrateful little turd; a despicable person. I must be unlikeable. I must be vile. I must be evil.
Instead of thanking my lucky stars I’m struggling with feelings that regularly prompt suicidal thoughts. Who the hell am I to have suicidal thoughts? I’ve landed on my feet, haven’t I? I’m living in the lap of luxury, aren’t I?
Let’s not discuss this any more. Let’s just agree that I’m the most hideously horrible piece of shit who ever disgraced the human race and leave it at that, shall we? Alright, I accept it… I admit it… I’m a worthless, abominable, contemptible, disgusting excuse for a man. I’m the shittest of the shit.
What an ungrateful fuck I am. What an ungrateful fucking fuck.
Tags: #suicide
Comments
12 responses to “No More Mr Nice Guy”
Are you ok, what has happened, I sense you have been confronted with someone’s opinion of yourself which has made you really cross. I hope the photo of the person in the blog post is not your new girlfriend ?
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That’s a lot of self hatred. I don’t agree with your assessment of yourself and I’ve spent enough time with you and supporting you to know.
This does remind me of the Bojack episode called “Stupid piece of shit”, but not because you are. Because of the internal monologue of self-hatred.
Better than yesterday at the end of the day. Touch and go stuff. Too much change all at once. The pressure and stress of the situation is unbearable
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I call bullshit.
You are a nice guy.
You are successful – as you deserve to be.
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If you were able to feel better just from counting your blessings over support and care, you wouldn’t need the support and care Nick.
Gratitude is not a cure.
Accept the support and care. You do deserve it.
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Hey. I hate that you are feeling this way. I hate that you are struggling with mental illness. You are none of the things you are feeling right now.
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Your totally wrong nick! You are a good guy . Be strong
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