This is a story about taking things to extremes…
I stopped eating for the last 4 days. It was easy. I just didn’t eat, and then when I got hungry, I still didn’t eat. Then I stopped feeling hungry, and I continued not eating.
Food contains carbohydrates and carbohydrates are broken down into glucose and glucose is a type of sugar and sugar is a drug. So I quit all drugs for 4 days (actually 6 months, if you don’t include food).
Now, we all know that cheese is as addictive as hard drugs. In fact, food, water and oxygen are all as addictive as hard drugs, because you keep taking them and taking them, and then you die. Quod erat demonstrandum.
Giving up cheese wasn’t very hard. I’ve hardly eaten it at all for months, but total abstinence is the only way to not be called a junkie and spat on by your own family, right? They’ll spit on you for not inventing a time machine and erasing your prior misdemeanours, and call you an ex-junkie in-between their injections of heroin that is.
Basically, I win, you lose. There’s literally no way for me to take this precious abstinence any further unless I put a plastic bag over my head and duct tape it around my neck so I can’t breathe.
And contrary to popular belief, my life has been absolute living hell. I feel like a special robot that can feel emotions, and that emotion is sadness. I go through my robotic motions, and I wonder to myself “why the hell am I doing this? what’s the fucking point?“. Pretty much the only thing that’s keeping me going is that I’m on day 90 of a bet that I made with a friend that I couldn’t do 101 days. Every day I think to myself, only X days to go before I’ve proved nothing and I can either go back to being like every hypocritical judgemental ignorant idiot I have the misfortune to have to be judged by, or I can I can kill myself at the point where you would have to write in the obituary “we can’t blame drugs or alcohol“.
Ha ha ha. I win.
Tags: #addiction
Comments
9 responses to “Advent Calendar (Day Nineteen)”
Please -if you read the comments at all-get yourself to your gp and get some antidepressants. They work. Then you can stop blaming your crap family for everything and even though they are awful and have caused incalculable trauma- step away from them and their opinions. Take ownership of your behaviour and get into healthy balance moderate behavioural patterns that don’t take things to extremes and are a realistic and livable way of managing a life you’d like to have.
I’ve got a bunch of Olanzapine lying around. I collect my prescriptions, I just don’t take it. If we shouldn’t be taking 150 year old drugs, why should we be taking 30 or 40 year old drugs that have been show in in studies to be less effective than placebo in long term studies. I also found I didn’t have any quality of life on Mirtazapine, Quetiapine, Aripiprazole, Lamotrigine, Sodium Valproate, Lithium etc. etc. I’d rather just bang my head against a brick wall until enough brain cells have been destroyed to make me into an ignorant imbecile. Bupropion is good, especially with Zopiclone. I’m full of beans with that magic combo. It’s like somebody’s flicked the switch from ‘depressed’ to ‘happy’. Much like crack cocaine in that I respect, I would guess
look I know you know this but, a drug is any substance when introduced to the body that has a physiological effect.. So yes your right; food, oxygen, touch, light (in fact all your senses and all your emotions) are drugs. But the physiological effect they have is a positive feedback cycle, to help you nick grant as an organism, and therefore your cells maintain life. Get with the life sustaining drugs nick, and maybe ignore the ones that are life-limiting.. xxxx
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Food isn’t a drug, it is essential to sustain life. Please don’t stop eating again, it won’t make you better. You are a good person who deserves to feel better than this, and you will in time with the right care.
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So is cheese life sustaining? What about lard? What if I start eating lard sandwiches, where the bread is bacon?
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Well, life itself (at the moment. Check out transhumanisum) is life limiting -including cheese, and so called super-foods.. But ultimately, we are all pleasure junkies on life, and ironically shall die. Question is, what life do you want? You have life, so what do you want to experience while you have it? .. I doubt many know the answer to that, but we muddle along and try to make ourselves and those we love happy x
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Cheese, lard and bacon will provide energy but in the long term it’s better to eat a wide variety of food so you don’t become deficient in any particular nutrient. I am pretty sure you know this though.
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